I’m finding it difficult to write on a daily basis, and here it is only day 4. Wow, it’s been four long days since my New Year’s resolution. It’s tough, I don’t like to put myself out there very much so I’m having a broad array of emotions regarding this topic. I don’t even know if this a blog or a journal at this point. Haha. Dear diary, I had an awesome day taking some photographs. It was nice just to be present in the moment, I don’t do that very often. I was able to shut down my nervous system (albeit temporarily) and focus on what I was shooting. I had some hand shaking that I was self-conscious of but the photos turned out well. I even downloaded an AI generated photo rater to see if my photos are any good or not. I’m not sure if they are, I like them though, I like the way they make me feel. It’s similar to the feeling when I was a carpenter, I used to do the work just for the photograph. You can say that I’m aesthetically driven and you would be correct. I like things that look nicely, and if it doesn’t look nicely, I don’t have an interest in it. Photography is enjoyable so far, it’s addicting, but when you have OCD everything can be addicting initially. Photography has been very fleeting for me, it comes and goes, I was always too afraid of buying an expensive camera. I’m prone to dropping things. So ya, I have been a little nervous about buying a camera, I’m using my iPhone as a primary right now and supplementing it with my EOS 100. The picture quality is similar which is kind of surprising. Today we were so lucky to get some sun, it was my first day of shooting. It felt good. I’m going to get a couple of my favourite photos blown up and printed to see if they are really that good. I want to buy a printer, but I can’t justify it right now. Right now, instagram is the perfect place for a hobby. That’s all it should be. Writing and photography, the two things I can do for some time and not focus on my illnesses. Balance and harmony, now I just need to fall asleep again. Sleep has been a struggle the past couple of days. My nervous system has been disregulated because of sharing this blog around. But, I need to constantly remind myself, I’m doing this to open up the conversation about mental health and the effects of said things. I’m off to bed.
D
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